HE WAS IN A 6 YEAR RELATIONSHIP AND WAS DATING MULTIPLE GIRLS IN UNI #8

Richard and I continued to talk for months and I think I started to catch feelings. Not only was he extremely attractive but he was smart and caring too, ladies tell me this isn’t husband material? Or am I moving too fast lol ? It was the little things for me, like him messaging me during the day to see how my day was going, to him saying how nice I looked when he saw me in town or in the library or just him seeing if I wanted to grab lunch with him. I liked the fact that that he just cared and it didn’t come across as creepy or cringe. Anyone who went to my university knew that the only thing guys said to girls they found attractive was “when are you coming to see me” or “when are you coming to cook for me”, vomm 🤢🤢🤢, so it was nice to hear something different.

Richard was a smooth talker, he knew all of the right things to say and definitely knew how to make a woman feel good about herself. We would meet up in the library and study together and just catch up on how our weeks went but over time I started noticing that Richard spoke to a LOT of girls and it started to become a major turn off for me. I found it very unattractive but at the same time I knew he put on a lot of events with his friends and had to speak to a lot of girls because of it.  At one point I found it difficult to distinguish if he was just talking to girls for business, or if he was just being a slag 😂. Honestly, nobody wants a man who every girl has access to and vice versa, it ain’t cute.

This happened regularly and I didn’t even care to pretend that I wasn’t annoyed. I was a very private person so only 3 of my friends knew that I was talking to him. Like I mentioned earlier, every girl wanted him and my friends couldn’t believe that he was talking to me lol. Time after time again whenever we were out girls would approach us and say “Heyyyy Richard” (winking), ” You didn’t call me back”, ” Make sure you message me later”. Anyone who knows me knows that even if I lie, my facial expressions say it all, it’s that’s just something I can’t help 😂 . Anytime Richard and I would be in the library studying and a girl would come up to us I would legit roll my eyes. I know he was well known but IS IT EVERYDAY ! … Imagine if it was me and guys just kept on coming up to me. #AWKWARD

One day I remember us sitting in the reception area of the library and guys kept on going past us and would spud him. (fist bump for anyone who doesn’t know what spud means) It was normal but one time a guy came up to us and actually said something referring to me.

Random guy – “Is that you bro ?” whilst staring at me and smiling

Richard – “Yeah bro” smiling

I hated awkward situations but Richard was definitely doing a lot. It must have been an ego boost or something and I wasn’t going to embarrass him in front of his friend, but at this point Richard had only ever kissed me on my cheek and forehead. I took it as two things, either he wanted people to think that we were sleeping together or he actual wanted to take me seriously. People in uni always wanted to know who I was seeing both girls and guys and I didn’t know why. It got to a point where my flatmates who were guys thought I always asked when they were going out so that I could sneak guys in haha. I got on well with guys and girls in my uni so no one really knew who I was really “talking” to if that makes sense

At one point I started to fall all the way back with Richard because the girls and the inconsistency became annoying. I’m sure he noticed because my replies were slow and I stopped going to the library when I knew that he would be there. Whenever he wanted to meet up I was always busy, but he continued to reach out and kept on reminding me of midweek church services when I kept on airing him 😂. Looking back on it, its either he didn’t notice that I was being off or he just didn’t care lol, and I say this because he would randomly compliment me on how smart he thought I was, how much of a “good girl” I was, would call me his wife and constantly say how he wanted to marry me. I won’t lie a part of me was gassed, my friends would always say they couldn’t believe Richard was feeling me. I was in 1st year and a guy in 3rd year wanted to be with me, over all of the other girls in 1st, 2nd and 3rd year. Put some respect on my name please lol.

I knew something was off in my gut though, call it women’s intuition but I couldn’t put my finger on it. I knew I liked him but he just seemed too good to be true. He was smart, God fearing, seemed genuine and good looking, I’m sorry but I haven’t come across a guy that has all of those qualities. Ladies, I say all of this but I have to take some accountability too for everything that transpired, there were multiple red flags that I saw that I chose to ignore. I was honestly so foolish. Richard would tell me not to talk to guys in my year because they were “childish” and “immature” and for some strange reason I thought he was right and I never wanted him to doubt me, so I didn’t. At one point, people started to think that I was a lesbian because my friends and flatmates were all getting it in and I was just focused on him even though he was very inconsistent. We would talk and meet up and then stop for a couple of weeks and that was how it went but I still hoped it would work out. I found it really hard talking to more than one person at a time because my memory is horrendous and I would definitely be the girl to call a guy the wrong name lol, so I wasn’t entertaining anyone else.

I would see him out at raves with my girls and he would come over to me to say hi and then go back to chill with his guys. I didn’t have a problem with that as I was there to enjoy with my girls, but I noticed that when guys would move to me, the first thing I would do was look around and I would catch him with his friends staring at me. Even though he was not my man, is it weird that I didn’t know what to do? Could I give out my number or was I meant to turn guys down ? bear in mind I only had a short amount of time to decide on what to do. Guess what I did ? DUMMY ALERT !!! I would look at him and turn them down and he would look at me and wink and smile 😂. He was probably laughing at me thinking how stupid is this girl, I’ve got her right where I want her. Honestly, how stupid was I because this guy wasn’t even my man LMAO… 999 SITUATIONSHIP ALERT…Yuck 🤢. Ladies if a man wants you, you will definitely know and I don’t mean in a sexual way. If a guy wants to take you seriously he will, it should never be this complicated.

Months went by and I started getting sick and tired of how things were going on between us. Richard continued to always invite me round to his for dinner but I always declined the offer. He would always ask why I loved running away from him and to be honest the main reason why I didn’t want to go round to his was because he started weirding me out with the things he would say. Every time we spoke it was extremely sexual and that’s all he ever wanted to speak about, what happened to the church boy, the youth leader, what a fraud 😂, plus he lived far. Even though I was avoiding him, one day he saw me in the library and asked what the problem was between us. Us??? 😂 To be honest there wasn’t even an us, he was very inconsistent and I started talking to other guys because I clearly was being way too loyal to someone who might not have even wanted me to tbh lol. I still liked him but thinking about it now I think he was just good on paper, in reality that was a different question lol.

Anyways I was looking very good that day in the library and he kept on looking me up and down saying how nice I looked. He asked what I was doing after the library and I said I was going home to study, he said I needed a break from studying and said he was making me dinner at 6pm and asked me to come round to his before going home. I had been curving his invitations for months so seeing as 6pm wasn’t that late especially when you’re in university living on campus, I agreed to come over.

He messaged me his address and I made my way to his after I had finished studying in the library. I didn’t think any of it, as in uni it was normal to go to peoples accommodation, but looking back at it, I don’t think that was the best decision. It was winter and it was freezing, it was only about 5:30pm but it was so dark. I got to his house and he lived in a terraced house quite far from uni, I was walking for ages lol. I knocked on the door and he opened the door, hugged me and welcomed me in. We walked up the stairs and he opened the door to his room and it was just a typical boys room, TV and games console with a couple of posters on his wall. I’m really funny about people being on my bed with outdoor clothing so I asked if he was okay with me sitting on his bed and he said it was ok. I took off my jacket and noticed that he was just standing in the corner of his room near his door staring at me, I asked what he was looking at and he walked over to me and hugged me and said I was freezing 🥴. I was actually really cold so he went to turn the heating up higher and offered me hot chocolate and asked me if I wanted a change a clothes.

A change of clothes??? lool. A part of me thought he was just being caring but the other part of me thought it was weird. Its not like it was raining or anything and he was acting a bit weird aswell. The Nigerian in me was telling me to use sense and I thought about what my mum or grandma would say if I told them

I didn’t intend on staying the night and declined the offer and he seemed cool with it. My friends mum always said when a single man and a single woman are in the same room at night the devil is the 3rd person haha 😂. I had a feeling of where it was going and sat on the edge of his bed… no panties were coming off tonight… no sir. He would always say he liked that I was a “good girl” and could tell that I had my head screwed on so surely he didn’t think that we would have sex?

He started talking about his course and the area of London he was from and how he couldn’t wait to take me out in London. I had heard it all before L-I-T-E-R-A-L-L-Y and again my facial expression said it all. He asked why I wasn’t taking him seriously and why I didn’t want to give him a chance. I was confused because surely the ball was in his court and quite frankly he wasn’t applying enough pressure which probably meant he wasn’t interested in me like that.

He asked me to come over for dinner right? .. after speaking for 20 mins he asked if I wanted Indomie loool 😂🤣. I know a lot of guys couldn’t cook in uni but he proper gassed it up like it was a 3 course meal or something. I wasn’t really a fan of Indomie in uni because I had it so much growing up and would go through phases where I craved it and then times where I completely hated it. Guys, please don’t think I’m coming across as being bougie, I’m Nigerian and grew up on Indomie. I declined and said I was okay with just the hot chocolate.

Richard asked if I wanted to watch a movie and I said I didn’t mind. We didn’t have Netflix those days lol so I think he just found a site where you could stream movies for free…Putlocker or one of those sites. Anyway he put on Love and Basketball… typical lol

Remember I said I sat on the edge of the bed, well I was on the edge of the bed on the left hand side and he sat under his covers behind me on the right hand side.

Richard – “Tayo are you okay over there”. He was laughing

Me – “ Hahah yeah, why” I was being awkward because I knew he was gonna ask me to move up on the bed next to him

Richard – “Why are you sitting so far away from me”

Me – “Lol no reason, I’m good though”

Richard – “Why don’t you move back so that we can watch the movie properly together”

I had a million and one things running through my mind. Was I overthinking things?, would he think I was immature? At this point I needed to play it cool. I took off my Uggs and moved back onto the bed next to him but moved all the way to the left hand side corner with my knees touching my chest over the covers. In my head I honestly thought I was doing something, I was trying to psyche myself up (Cmon T, don’t let the team down lol)

The movie had been on for less than 5 mins and as soon as I moved closer to him he was all over me. Thank God I didn’t take him up on his offer in regards to changing into some of his clothes. We started lipsing and I didnt know how to feel about it tbh, I was expecting to feel butterflies or a connection but I didn’t feel anything, we continued lipsing and we heard his front door open, it was one of his flatmates.

The lights were off and one of his flatmates knocked on his door and came in and saw me and introduced himself to me and done the usual crap that boys do. He seemed cool and asked me what my name was and what I was studying. He asked if I was sure that I attended our uni because he had never seen me before, he literally said I was lying and kept on going on about it for timeeee. Why would I lie , I was lowkey wondering when he was gonna leave lol but just as he was about to leave he said

Friend – “Ahh my boy likes you a lot uno, he talks about you all the time”.

I didn’t believe him at all lol, I was probably just another girl he told his friends that he wanted to sleep with. After his friend left, Richard started kissing on my neck and trying to get me under the covers. I wasn’t feeling that and kept on pulling the duvet cover down and at one point it was literally a tug of war over the duvet cover.

He kept on saying the reason he kept on trying to pull the covers over me was because I felt cold and he didn’t want me to catch a cold. Yeah right, this guy really thought I was born yesterday. I declined again and he started cuddling me and did the forehead kiss thing. Forehead kisses are nice and I’ve always found them extremely romantic but forehead kisses don’t always mean anything and don’t let a guy gas you into thinking it means something. My ex – Dami gave me forehead kisses all of the time and almost gave me an STI and had a baby on the way with a woman I knew.

Anyways, I didn’t intend on having sex with Richard, we kissed and he tried to start unbuttoning my shirt and was trying to put my hand inside of his boxers. I kept on moving my hand because at that point I wasn’t feeling the GENUINE love and felt that I would just be another girl he’s had sex with in uni. I’m sure in his head he thought that we would have sex though.

After going back and forth for a while, he knew that I wasn’t on it and the mood changed very quickly so I decided to leave and told him I had to go home. He asked if I was okay and said that he didn’t want me to leave but I knew deep down that he was probably gonna call another girl over to have sex with. Anyways, it was around 11pm so I started walking home, it was about a 45 minute walk and it was pouring down with rain, it was definitely giving me Ray J – one wish vibes, if you know you know lol. My uni was a ghost town around this time especially the part I lived in, I should have just got a cab, but it gave me time to think about everything.

From then on, we never really communicated. I was no longer getting the lunch invitations and when I would see him in the library he would wink at me and wave and that was it. We started talking less often and tbh I didn’t really care, I think I would have been more heartbroken if I had sex with him. It’s funny how life is though, shortly after I went to his house, I started hearing stories about him, how he’s a slag, how he’s dating multiple girls in uni and how no girl should ever take him seriously. I couldn’t believe it because this guy always talked to me about church and was always talking to me about the bible. Who was this person?

Months went by and I started talking to new guys and it was refreshing especially because they made it very clear that they were interested and were applying the kind of pressure that I liked 😂😉.

Anways, I had completely forgot about Richard, obviously my pride was bruised but I was happy that it wasn’t anything similar to the Dami situation or nothing that would throw me off in regards to my studies. I remember one day I was chilling at home lying down in my bed and then my friend Amanda messaged me a picture of a girl on Instagram.

The girl was a veryyyy pretty girl, she was a tall dark skinned girl with a banging body. I didn’t understand why she was sending it to me so I replied “who is this hun?”

Amanda – “Richards girlfriend… they’ve been together for 6 years, look at the anniversary picture she put up…You dodged a bullet babe”

I can’t explain the feeling I felt, it was a mixture of feeling stupid, embarrassed but relieved at the same time.

Amanda rang me immediately 

Amanda – “Tee, you okay, I know you really liked him”

Me – “ Yeah I’m cool babe, its a crap situation but now I know he’s just a wasteman”

Amanda – “Come to mine, my flatmates are spilling all of the tea” Amanda’s flatmates were in 3rd year too and knew Richard very well

Amanda lived 2 minutes away from me and without letting her flatmates know that I was talking to him, they spilled all of the tea and basically said they wouldn’t touch him with a bargepole.

Richard and I stopped talking completely, my energy was always off when I saw him but he would say hi and wave to me if we saw each other in campus and that was it and I was honestly cool with it. Word on the street is he’d been cheating on his girlfriend for the entire time that they had been together. She deserved better and sis realised and moved on because she came up on my instagram explore page and she’s engaged to another guy🥳💃🏾. After the Richard situation I made sure I enjoyed the rest of 1st year and went out to mingle as much as I could even though I was such a homebody. Veronica threw a party before the holidays and I got extremely drunk that night, I’m talking paralytic drunk and surprise surprise Richard was involved.

I can only remember up to a certain point and everything after that was a blur lol. I remember Veronica locking me in her room because I was so drunk I started cussing people out and telling them all of my secrets 😂. I remember writing a BBM status and Richard popped up asking if was drunk and where I was so that he could come and meet me, I was obviously out of it and didn’t respond.

The next day I had vomitted everywhere and sobered up and saw a couple of missed calls from him but I didn’t even think there was a reason to call him back. I went onto our chat and realised that upon all the grammatical errors and missing letters/words that I had made, I managed to cuss him out lol. Till this day he doesn’t know that I know he had a girlfriend as I never confronted him.

Richard was a walk in the park in comparison to the rest of the guys that I’ve encountered, trust me

Watch out for my encounters with the men who were woman beaters in the upcoming posts.

Comment down below if you’ve ever been in a situationship, and feel free to send in your dating experiences to Naijababegoesdating@gmail.com. Remember this is a judgement-free zone and posts can be submitted anonymously ☺️

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